The Sensuality Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, making love carries immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and closeness .

When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay males wish to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon like this sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on review your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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